Forgiven [5/7]

We've all done things we're ashamed of. I say with absolute confidence that there is no one who hasn't done something they are ashamed of or something they regret. Maybe I'm not an expert on human psychology, but I think I do have some experience with people. Even the most righteous people I've met have something inside of them that they wish they didn't own.

But was that the question? Are the things we regret, the things we are ashamed of, synonymous with the things for which we seek forgiveness?

Can they be different?

I'm not ashamed of the choice I made. For a while, I did wonder if I should regret it. I chose to protect my town by sacrificing the life of the man I love. I can't in good conscious regret that decision because I believe, to this day, I did the right thing. I was the only one who could make that choice, and I am the one who chose to carry its consequences. Maybe I got lucky, or maybe something greater than myself was looking out for us. I don't have that burden because he is alive.

But do I need to be forgiven?

Ask Barbie. He was the one with the noose around his neck.

I've screwed things up before, and I know that. What I did in Chicago nearly ruined my life, and running away to Chester's Mill didn't change anything. Maybe if someone forgave me for what happened there, things would be different. Maybe if Peter had given me the chance to forgive him, things would be different.

Not necessarily better, but different.

I've come to peace with the things I have done. I don't ask for forgiveness, and I certainly wouldn't expect it.

But if it were offered?

Then maybe I do need it after all.