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Ideal Life [ 7/5 | OPEN ]
Jul. 5th, 2018 04:36 pmJust a few months ago I would have had such a sure answer.
What is my ideal life?
A few months ago, my ideal life would have been what I had left behind. A perfect life in Chicago or some other big city, my name on some other big newspaper. Chester's Mill was Peter's hometown, not mine. I wanted to rewind it all and get back the life we had before I lost everything; before I threw it all away being impulsive and selfish and stupid.
What does it say about me that for so damn long my ideal life was all about going backwards?
It's not even an option, because I can never have that life again. My husband is dead, and I don't even know how to move forward. Even if the damn Dome came down, what happens next? The bank will collect the house eventually, and there's no way I can stay afloat on the proceeds of a drowning newspaper I was putting more money into than I was making.
There were things Peter and I never even discussed, futures we didn't even consider. Things like having kids or leaving the Mill never even came up, and I don't know why, because now that I think about it? Those are all things I want.
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that the ideal life I dreamed of with Peter looks nothing like the ideal life I dream of without him.
Funny how that works out.
What is my ideal life?
A few months ago, my ideal life would have been what I had left behind. A perfect life in Chicago or some other big city, my name on some other big newspaper. Chester's Mill was Peter's hometown, not mine. I wanted to rewind it all and get back the life we had before I lost everything; before I threw it all away being impulsive and selfish and stupid.
What does it say about me that for so damn long my ideal life was all about going backwards?
It's not even an option, because I can never have that life again. My husband is dead, and I don't even know how to move forward. Even if the damn Dome came down, what happens next? The bank will collect the house eventually, and there's no way I can stay afloat on the proceeds of a drowning newspaper I was putting more money into than I was making.
There were things Peter and I never even discussed, futures we didn't even consider. Things like having kids or leaving the Mill never even came up, and I don't know why, because now that I think about it? Those are all things I want.
Maybe it just comes down to the fact that the ideal life I dreamed of with Peter looks nothing like the ideal life I dream of without him.
Funny how that works out.
